Crappiest Blog Entry in History

Yesterday was Yelp Gay Night VI at the remarkably unremarkable G-Lounge and it was fun but I have no pictures because I forgot my camera but my hair was awful anyway so I don't care.

There was this kid there who was really cute until you realize he has no personality or sense of humor. A bunch of us were in a minivan cab later and he was next to me in the back and he made some reference to Aaliyah that didn't make any sense and basically shut everybody up because nobody knew what he was talking about and in the middle of the awkward silence I said "I liked her in that vampire movie" IRONCALLY and everyone got it and laughed but he said to me like "Good, everyone thought I was a freak but now they think you are too so it's not so bad" because he missed the point entirely, the point being that it was a jab at him and that I am a cooler and he is a drooler.

At least I think everyone got it, maybe there were really laughing at me so let me announce that I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT SHITTY MOVIE. Anyway the point is that later apparently my friend touched him in the bathroom because my friend's a slutbag and that's why I like him. I can say that because he reads my blog now.

Anyway that story was more funny last night when I remembered it better and was drinking, so I'm not going to tell any more of it. Look, I took more pictures with my cat in them. She got an Easter basket from my mom with nothing for me inside.

Also here's a MySpace-style picture of my butt and lower abdomen for Bagel. Don't worry, this doesn't count as the backlit sexy one you requested, I'm having trouble working the lighting for that one. I'll work it out.

This pic can also be found on my Flickr, Facebook, and hopefully one day on gay.com so I can get all the boys.

Yelp Party Photos (5)

Here are pictures from the Yelp.com Elite event at 49 Grove, which was the first event I took the new boy to, but he hates all the pictures of him from the night, so I'm going to keep them off here except they're on my Flickr. I'm just gonna post one of him. This is the world's shortest photo essay. It starts with this great picture of me and a friend of mine and has the same ending as Cloverfield.

Yeah, we wear fucking nametags WANNA MAKE SOMETHING OF IT!?!

Here is our host who wears a nametag too.

Here is the sexy new boy about to catch some bugs.

Ok that's all the pictures I'm gonna show because you probably don't give a shit anyway. I gotta shower.

GODZILLA ATTACKS TOKYO!!@!#!!!!21

Gimmie a D

So the thing in my shoe ended up being a penny after all. I was shocked.

Anyway, I don't have much to say. I been spending a lot of time on Yelp.com writing little reviews of places in New York, and I found myself composing a cheer about Duane Reade that I wanted to share here. For all you foreigners, Duane Reade is this drug store chain that has totally pwn3d Manhattan. There's one on every freaking corner. We have the odd Walgreens or CVS, but mostly Duane Reade is where you're stuck going. They're all the same, and by that I mean they all suck to the same degree. Here's my cheer, so get out your pom poms and shave your legs because here we go!

Duane Reade, Duane Reade, we don't care!
Our attitude's as vile as that smell in the air!
Don't whine about the stock or that crap on the floor!
Just scan your effing card and get your ass out the door!
Duuuuuuaaane Reeeeeeaaade!

Anyway, I encourage you all to join Yelp.com if you live in a metropolitan area of any significance. It's really great fun.

A couple things...

Fröhlicher Mittsommer, dudes!

I did it. Last night I applied for two jobs that I am excited about. I'm not telling you what they are because if I do they will have a mummy's curse and I will never get them. They're my two favorite jobs I've applied for, and I think I could really lend a lot to both of them. Sadly, I can't prove that to them with a cover letter because anyone can talk about how great they are, and that doesn't make it true.

Cover letters are such crap. The only thing you can really learn from them is how good your applicant is at using misleading language to self-promote. It's like setting the stage for unethical business practice before the guy even walks through the door. No wonder rich assholes are such assholes.

In other news--and yes I know you're tired of hearing this--I joined another website. This one is Yelp. It's super fun. It's full of people writing reviews and talking about events in the community. Here's my profile. I've written one restaurant review of my favorite German place, and I also asked the message board about where to get a good Chicago style hot dog, and Lisa C. totally came through so we love her. Go join Yelp and be my friend and click all the buttons that indicate how awesome my review(s) is/are. Also feel free to "Send me a compliment." K, thanks.

Poll: Ashton's outfit. Yes or no?

I say yes. Reply in the comments.