Muffins

I cannot finish a muffin. I don't know why, but I have never in my life eaten an entire muffin. I have eaten two muffins this week, and both of them have portions living up the landfill life right now.

Somehow, muffins are the only things I fail to finish. It's not distaste, it's not blandness. I finish huge bagels, boring scones, even rice cakes (though never by choice). I can eat gigantor brownies, cookie cakes, and even entire pizzas!

But I cannot finish a muffin.

(I just reread what I wrote above, and I realized it reads like a children's book.)

But what the hell is going on? I mean, when I say I can eat an entire pizza, what I really mean is last week, I ate an entire pizza, a stack of saltines, and some hummus and pita for ONE meal. You're telling me that three days later after skipping dinner for a night, I can't wake up and eat a fucking muffin?

I feel like less than a man. Muffins are pussy food. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if muffin is a euphemism for pussy! Actually, that would perhaps be a good metaphysical explanation for why I can't eat one...