Ben and Arthur: Convo Movie Review

me: I'm watching the most shit movie right now.

Kevin: what movie?

me: Ben and Arthur.

Kevin: I've never heard of it

me: I got it on Netflix. It's the number one worst movie of all time according to imdb user ratings.

Kevin: awesome i love bad movies

me: Yeah. It's about a gay couple. The guy who made it is playing one of them. He's fat and bald, and he paired himself with this dreamboat to be his partner. It's SO fake.

Kevin: omg omg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxKByXGC890
is that the trailer?

me: It was made with amateur equipment.

Kevin: that's not a movie, that's a home video

me: YEAH!
That's it.
Isn't it horrible?

Kevin: that's awesome!!
everyone has gay face
LMAO
I love it

me: Right?
It's amazing.

Kevin: i'm watching the trailer again
hehe
for ben and arthur
its like a porno with no sex

me: And a fat guy.
Ooh, they're dishwashers at a cafe together.
OMG Fatty's auditioning to be an exotic dancer.

Kevin: hahaha
are they consciously being bad?

me: No, I believe 100% that they're taking themselves seriously.

(hottie looks less like a crack fiend in the movie)

me: Ooh, a sexy!

Kevin: a what?

me: A sexy.
He's a PI apparently.
But he's hot.
He's a gaywad too.
But I don't think his character is supposed to be gay.

Kevin: is he the blonde dude in the trailer?

me: No, that's Victor, the brother who hates gays for religious reasons.
He hired the PI.

Kevin: nice

me: Now they're meeting at night and I hope they do it.

Kevin: oh you know they will

(there aren't any screen caps on the net so I'm stretching for graphic dividers here, ok?)

me: "I don't make sense? You don't make sense! I make sense, that's who makes sense!"

Kevin: lol wut?

me: Dialogue sample.

Kevin: It sounds like they're doing it as a joke!

me: But it's not

me: Eew, fatty shower scene. I can't believe I'm so engrossed in this.

Kevin: HAHA
you STILL watching that?
gosh!

me: Yeah, the minutes are inching by.

Kevin: did fatty get it on with someone?

me: No, he was just showering.
He's in it to win it with the hottie.
Who just got shot AGAIN.

Kevin: why does he keep getting shot

me: Blondie does it.
Or arranges it. I'm not really sure.
This one he did.
I want the PI back.

Kevin: what does he look like?

me: He's like 19 with a twinky face, brown hair, and thick eyebrows.
Eew, more naked for fatty.

Kevin: why is he getting naked so much?

me: EEW BUTT SHOT!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW!
God.
Again!

Kevin: hahaha

me: Man, the last 10 minutes of this movie are like Fattie'sbuttapalooza.

Kevin: that's so disturbing
maybe he wants to advertise his ass

me: Oh, it'sover.

Kevin: how did it end?

me: Bloodbath.
Oh, he made it with Adobe Premiere.

Bundookie

My GChat status message reads "Bunduki!!!!" and it prompted the following conversation. I reproduce it here because it's one that I want to have with ALL of you.

Robb: what the hell is that supposed to mean?

me: What?

Robb: bunduki

me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh.
Bunduki is the shittiest book ever written.
I'm reading it now, it's SO bad!
I found it at a used book store with a friend in Phoenix and we made fun of it, and then he sent it to me a couple days ago because he's weird.
It's a novel about Tarzan's adopted son, Bunduki!

Robb: how nice of him
ahh

me: I love it.

Robb: I didn't know the african jungle had adoption agencies
was that the same one madonna used?

me: The guy's a total horny nerd.
Well, Tarzan moved to England I guess.
Hahaha!
Bunduki went to Eton.
It's not his real name.

Robb: I should hope not

me: The author (horny nerd guy) goes into all this horrible detail like "He pulled the string back 24 inches and shot the 31 inch fiber glass arrow at an angle of 34 degrees."
And all the women are scantilly clad and "Bust 37, waist 20, hips 36."
He keeps referring to Bunduki as "the blonde giant."
You HAVE to read it!

Robb: :-)

me: Whenever he uses an adjective on the women, he qualifies it. Like, he can't just say "the smaller woman" he has to say "the smaller, but no less voluptuous woman"
On the cover is this broad-chested guy and a hot blonde with HUGE boobs running from these giant red-eyed monkey things with sticks.

Robb: lol
it sounds wonderful

me: It is! I read 120 pages yesterday and i'm gonna finish today if I can.
The hot blonde is Bunduki's cousin, but he's falling in love with her because she's so buxom.
Anyway, what are YOU reading?
OH WAIT I DON'T CARE BECAUSE IT'S NOT BUNDUKI!

Ok ok new game

Me: Do you wanna play Pharmacy Phriday with me?
Well I already played...
But I can teach you, it's fun.
I just made it up.

Robb: sure
lets do

Me: Ok, it's easy.
You think of a disease and then look it up online to make sure you don't have it.
I did dyspepsia.
And then when you don't have it, you celebrate.

Robb: but...
what if you do?

Me: Then you get to whine for the next bunch of days about your horrible disease and everyone will feel sorry for you.
Win/win really.

Robb: hmmm
sounds like fun

Me: I almost lost, I didn't know what dyspepsia was, but it's a stomach thing and I've had heartburn three times this week, which is more than I've ever had in my life.

Robb: hmm
it's more fun when you do it with mental disorders.

Me: You just told me I'm crazy, there's too much chance I'd actually diagnose something.

Robb: thats what makes it fun

Me: If you don't play right, I don't want to play with you.

Robb: you want to play with me.

Me: You have Double Entendre Disorder, or DED, and it means you make straightforward double entendres that people don't run with.