Captain's Log Day 2: Still in my freaking pajamas.

Wow, guys, 2010. Whatever that means.

It's important to start off the year in a manner indicative of how you want the whole year to go. It was in this spirit that I spent yesterday watching the "New Year's Slay" Buffy the Vampire Slayer Marathon on Logo for 13 hours. Basically they played all of Season 2, so not only was I sitting and watching television for that long, but I was watching television I'd already seen 15 times before.

I also spent the time memorizing all the commercials they play on Logo. There are some new Progressive auto insurance ads up. I tend to like those. They also advertise this tacky, crystal cross necklace that has the Lord's Prayer written really tiny in the middle. It's the most garish thing I've ever seen, so it made SOME sort of sense following an ad for the next season of RuPaul's Drag Race, but I'm pretty sure the ad money would be better spent on the Gospel Music channel during one of their Sister Sister marathons or something. Dunno how many GAY VAMPIRE FANS are looking for the perfect gift for a first communion.

But the commercial I most looked forward to and dreaded was the finallyfast.com commercial that got played once an hour. They were running an extended version of the one I'm familiar with, right, so there were some extra characters I had never seen before. The one I hated was this teenage boy playing some really pathetic airplane video game who whines to his mom that "This internet connection is SO... SLOW!!!" And then finallyfast.com fixes his slow computer and he's so happy, and I hate seeing him happy because I hate seeing him. Here is him:

Don't you just want to punch his face? I KNOW!

Anyway, after he's gone I feel better because another boy gets his computer fixed, and I have a crush on him because he's adorable. He's SO HAPPY! He says, "Hey, my computer's fast! Finally! Finallyfast.com!" and basically that cemented my love.

I know he looks goofy in that picture, but basically we're lovers now and I'll defend his honor by spilling the blood of his detractors, so keep it to yourself. I hope you guys all find love in 2010 also!

Moo and Oink

Yesterday I performed an experiment in excess. I chose a sin (one of the seven) and embodied it to the fullest extent imaginable. The sin: Sloth. The embodiment: Bloblike.

I woke up at 9:30 with a splitting headache that I pretty much owe to David Bowie. After an hour of laying in bed pretending the world didn't exist (an art I perfected on Saturday when I spent about six waking hours cuddled up in a bed), I got up and walked a full 9 steps to my couch, dragging my comforter behind me like that Peanuts kid who always drags his filthy blanket around.

When I finally arrived huffing and puffing to the internet couch, I looked at my little Google calendar and saw NOTHING! This was me:

Thanks, nataliedee.com!

So I indulged in my favorite pasttime ever: playing the Sims and watching Charmed for 12 straight hours. It's really exhausting and a great workout. You can tell because at 10:30 that night I was exhausted and went to bed and today I woke up totally sore in my right leg and along my right oblique from all the work I had to do grabbing the remote to skip the title sequences. What with selecting episodes and occasionally switching discs, I may have burned as many as 20 calories! Eat your heart out, South Beach Diet!

Speaking of calories, clearly I could not prepare food on a day such as this so I ordered in an omelette with ham on the side in the morning and a huge bowl of chicken curry with rice in the evening and I ate everything on the couch and got rice all over me. This was me:

Thanks again, nataliedee.com!

In conclusion, my couch has a butt dent the size of Alaska and pretty soon I'll be washing myself with a rag on a stick.