Today my Starbucks croissant tastes like hot dogs. Eating it has made me crave hot dogs.
Oh wait, maybe it's more the fact that I ALWAYS crave fucking hot dogs. Yesterday for lunch, I had meatballs. Today for lunch, I am having Japanese, which will mean it's light and healthy. But do you know what I really want for lunch today? Meatballs again.
Meatballs make me feel like a man. It is the only food I know that combines meat and balls, two things that make men manly.
Another thing that makes men manly is being a bookie. For example, one time I met and took home a guy at a bar. He only had one ball, but he was a bookie, so it evened out. He also wore a Hawaiian shirt. Hawaiian shirts do not make men manly. They make men douchebaggy. Or tourists. Or just kinda unfashionable in a sometimes endearing way. They made the bookie douchebaggy.
Here ends my treatise on masculinity.