Chapter 2

Today on Creepy Subway People this guy was standing next to me with a little digital camera, right, and he made like he was looking through his old photos, but then I caught him taking a picture of the girl reading next to us. He zoomed in and started scrolling around and at first I thought he just wanted to see what book she was reading, but then he scrolled up just a little more and I remembered oh right, men like boobs.

It was totally gross. I eventually moved across the subway car at the next stop to be by my door, and another pretty girl, kinda nymph-like, came on. He took a picture of her too and then glanced at me and realized I'd been watching him so he looked all awkward for a minute and then turned around and started pretending to take pictures out the car window, but I knew better. I didn't mean to ruin his fun, I mean do what you want as long as that thing's not attached to your shoe I don't care.

Pervy Friday (not a regular feature, I promise)

I get so immature at the end of the week. I think I'm being set up for it because it's never until Thursday or Friday that I get music by Anton Titz and Richard Cumming, and I can't help but laugh like a 4-year-old.

Today it's already started with a book of songs from the Triestingtal in Austria. Nothing funny there, right? Yeah, not until you look up Triestingtal on German Wikipedia to find out it's a valley that forms the southern border of the Wienerwald.

First I giggled because of Wiener World. Then I remembered Wald means forest. Now my advanced brain is making up a story about Snow White getting lost in the Wiener Wald. Der Wald des Wieners. There are dwarves. There are monkeys. And mostly, there's magnificent flora.

If I weren't at work, I'd Photoshop you a picture.

Anyway, this brings up an issue that often comes to my mind. That issue is Disembodied Organs of Sexual Interest. I've often heard men make reference to the joys of swimming in a pool of boobs or diving into a vat of.... vaginas or something. I dunno. Basically, total immersion. Not having interacted with a naked breast since my senior year in high school, I find this hard to imagine.

So I turned it around and considered the prospect of jumping into a swimming pool filled with.... well, wieners. And the results are unappealing. I imagine it would be kinda rubbery. So total immersion is out.

But the question is, how much interest comes from the part and how much from the mere fact that it's attached to a person. Consider the following Achewood comic strip. Obviously, isolated breasts lead to insanity.

Imagine now walking through a forest of penises. Or even just seeing one sticking out of a wall or growing from the ground. Would you have any desire to interact with it? Would I?

Some people find dicks attractive and others don't. I, as it happens, do. So, CONFESSION TIME! Given a guarantee of cleanliess and a few minutes of privacy, I would be intrigued by a disembodied penis (but not in a bloody way) enough to see what I could do.

And I'm pretty sure I'm not alone.