Computer Viruses Created By Dateless Nerds, Studies Suggest

My computer at home was broken again this weekend, but I fixed it, thereby proving myself $1000% superior to the asshole that decided to spend the time writing it. I started to wonder, as I've wondered before, what exactly drives a person to create a computer virus... not because they're so malicious or evil or anything.... but because they're so lame. I mean, it can't be only friendless losers who do this kinda stuff, right?

So I asked Google, and it turns out I was wrong, it really is just friendless losers. (Here's a longer version.)

I never made fun of anybody in high school because I was in band and on the lit mag staff and took calculus my sophomore year, so I wasn't allowed to. It wasn't until I went to music school and EVERYONE was an artsy geek that I learned that I'm cooler than a lot of people.

Now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I'm finding that "cool" isn't so important anymore. Being together in a gigantic workforce kinda evened the playing field because everyone's underpaid, everyone wears stupid ties (except me, which rather gives me a leg up if the Cool Factor ever becomes important), and everyone rides the smelly subway.

That's probably why virus creators are primarily under 25 -- because they've spent too many Friday nights playing World of Warcraft with 13 year olds to realize that the rest of humanity isn't talking about them and that even the football jocks are losing their hair and carrying Blackberries.

So, to all the current and ex-losers out there, I just want to shout out a big "Get the fuck over it already!" Everyone gets made fun of, like your life is really so hard.

Also, by the way, the renaissance of geekdom was featured in Time Out New York last month. Now it's "cool" to be a loser, so go jump on that deluded bandwagon and stop fucking up my computer!

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Ok, now I'm gonna contradict myself about "cool" not being important anymore because I was hit on by this TOTAL loser over the weekend. I told him his job was boring, and I told him he was "kinda socially awkward" and that he looked different (read: way better) from far away, but he didn't get the hint. But I let him buy me a drink anyway before telling him I had to leave (immediately) and that I had a boyfriend ("Oh, I thought I mentioned it before"), so don't worry, your technology is safe.