I hate when I'm tracking a package that says "Departed from Jersey City a million days ago at 6:00 a.m." and it still hasn't come to my door. Seriously, Jersey City is so close I could pee out my apartment window and completely clear it (and if I get even one comment about a 20 mile long penis, I'm deleting my blog and never using the internet again.) So what the hell, where is my shit, POSTAL SERVICE?
The package is my Hannukkah present to myself, and I'm not telling you what's in it because you'll all think I'm a loser for ordering a box set of the Harry Potter video games, but there's also a book that I really want to start reading and another book and some other stuff you'd all hate. Anyway there's no way I'd GO to Jersey to get the stuff myself because I don't think my vaccinations are up to date so all I can do is complain.
Speaking of vaccinations, that reminds me of today's blog entry topic. Following the example of countless underpaid 20-something males, I think I'm going to get paid to receive an experimental vaccination. There's this doctor I met who specializes in gay men's sexual health and is administering a vaccine for HPV (human papillomavirus), which is not approved for use in men in the U.S. yet, though it's given to both men and women in Europe and Australia. The virus is sexually-transmitted and has many forms, but the yuckier ones cause genital and anal warts and can lead to cervical and anal cancer. It's one of the most wide-spread STDs we've got, but lots of people ride it out without noticing symptoms. Apparently we've (meaning gay men've) all probably had it at some point, which yucks me out pretty bad. But anyway.
In a lot of places, the vaccine is becoming mandatory for pre-adolescent girls and has been shown to be 100% effective in pretenving certain strains of HPV. Since I'm not ever wanting to say the sentence "I have anal warts/cancer" but I AM wanting $75 and a free STD screening, I think I'm gonna do it. The doctor's super nice, really open, and most importantly, a gay Jew. His name is Stephen Goldstone.
If any of you are in the New York area and wanna get a shot of Wart-B-Gone, let me know and I'll give you his information that you can easily find for yourself on the internet.
Actually, that's a little misleading. The vaccine won't get rid of warts. It only works if you don't already have them.... but I still think Wart-B-Gone is a funny name that I made up all by myself.
It doesn't take a 20 mile penis to pee that far; you just need kidney stones that disolve on the day you try to pee that far. Duh.
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