Horrible news, karaoke last night was cancelled. It was at this faggy-looking restaurantish bar, right, totally festive, and we got there and talked to the owner, and karaoke was cancelled. Sad destiny, right? So instead we ate (I had banana pancakes and a chocolate shake) and went to Therapy.
Wanna hear my new least favorite thing in the world? It's easy: Gay Talent Show. Apparently this is a normal Wednesday thing there, so ok I didn't know. So these gay guys got up and sang songs. One lip synched in middle-aged woman drag. (Appropriate for a middle-aged man.) But looooord, I about died. You couldn't hear the first guy because he was too busy trying to act shy and cute. The next guy sang "I Am Ready For Love" in jeans my mom wore before she lost 80 pounds.
Oh, but then redemption. After him was this fabulous, beautiful, amazing girl. She totally ate up the stage and sang "Ain't No Other Man" and I couldn't believe that Christina Aguilera has a career and this girl doesn't. Fan, tastic.
I was happy. For a few minutes. Until "Last Week's Winner" came up and sang something I had never heard in a spastic voice that wavered between too soft and jarringly loud. It had lots of little improvised melismas that inevitably ended on a belted high note a quarter tone flat. He was kind of attractive, but I couldn't tell because his t-shirt said "I Heart My Penis" on it. You get the idea.
Right.
Moving on. Blue introduced me to a couple of Abercrombie and Fitch models, which was kinda neat. So they're gay after all! They look more like regular people in person, and only the shorter one really impressed me, but they were fun. We didn't talk a lot. But anyway, I have some advice:
Never hang out with Abercrombie and Fitch models!
Here's why. Of course there's nothing wrong with them. But if they're around, all that time you spent in front of the mirror making yourself look cute was worthless because nobody (not anyone) is looking at you anymore. It's just a heads-up, I mean do what you want. But I'm just warning you.... if you're going to hang out with hot people, expect to look less hot by comparison.
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