It happened! This morning I officially became the Foursquare Mayor of my corner Starbucks! Honestly: sort of disappointing.
I was hoping for a lot more pomp around the occasion, but I chickened out from showing the girl at the register how cool I am. I will probably tell Latte Boy tonight. He will care.
Anyway, I have a look-alike and he needs to die. Last week I went in, and the barista working was all "Grande quad macchiato, right?" and I was like "Uh, no." He said, "That's not what you always get?" and I replied, "No, never!" I was aghast because anyone who needs 4 shots of Starbucks' sweet, sweet crude obviously has some Vampire Diaries circulation issues going on inside.
That's when the kid (he has a proper nickname, but it's racist so I'm censoring) told me I look exactly (exactly!) like someone else who comes into the shop all the time. Then he got everyone else working to agree.
So today, a different barista (without a nickname) took my order and then fulfilled the Starbucks Corporation's deluded attempt to make us believe they are a feel-good, neighborhood coffee shop by asking my name for the order. But instead of asking like he should have done, he showed off with: "It's Brian, right?"
"No."
"What? Are you sure?"
"YES I AM SURE OF MY OWN NAME NOT BEING BRIAN!"
So he also went off on how much I look like (apparently) Brian. That's when Looks Like My Ex-Boyfriend Guy, who was there for the original incident, said to No Nickname Guy: "Yeah, someone else did this to him last week" in a tone that further communicated "so just go make his damn drink." I appreciated that. Looks Like My Ex-Boyfriend Guy has always been one of my favorites, and now I like him 12% more. I said to him, "I really want to see what this asshole looks like." He said, "It's true; you two look really similar."
So if you have any leads, I'd like this kid out of the picture as soon as possible. Here's what I know:
- His name is Brian
- He looks like me
- Either:
- He cannot maintain a healthy sleep schedule, OR,
- He is a vampire who walks in the day
The moral of the story is this is the first time I've been confused with someone male, so I guess it's not all bad.
Is Latte Boy the same as Looks Like My Ex-Boyfriend Guy? Because he seems like a catch.
ReplyDeleteHe seriously asked you if you were sure your name wasn't Brian? I am slowly - but surely - losing all faith in humanity, and baristas besides. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteDid you tip the guy?
ReplyDeleteAlex -- No. Only one nickname per person. Looks Like My Ex-Boyfriend Guy is nice, but I think he likes girls. Also his name is very specifically NOT "Looks Like My SEXY Ex-Boyfriend Guy".
ReplyDeleteSpencer -- Yes. It was possibly facetious, but I wasn't having it today.
Mike -- I never tip at Starbucks? Is that awful? I feel like there is never one person doing enough work to warrant it. To earn a tip as a coffee boy you have to be really hot or you have to do ALL of the following: Take the order, fetch the pastries, ring it up, and make the coffee. Starbucks divides all that stuff up between 50 people because of "efficiency" which is exactly why they will never fool people into thinking they are a suitable replacement for a good, corner coffee shop.
you still look like uma to me.
ReplyDeleteWhich Starbucks are you the mayor of? Now, i want to go see who this Latte Boy is to see what the fuss is about.
ReplyDelete90th and 1st. But honestly, any coffee shop will do.
ReplyDelete